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A few men jokes

This is from Erika, in Mexico.

Why do men prefer blondes?

Men always like intellectual company.

Why do men like love at first sight?

It saves them a lot of time.

A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?

Dating children.

How can you tell soap operas are fictional?

In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.

What should you give a man who has everything?

A. A woman to show him how to work it.

B. Penicillin

Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?

To stop the snoring before it starts.

Why don't men have mid-life crises?

They stay stuck in adolescence.

How does a man show he's planning for the Future?

He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?

All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.

How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?

At the circus the clowns don't talk.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why are husbands like lawn mowers?

They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half time.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

A.After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train

Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?

Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.

Why are blonde jokes so short?

So men can remember them.

What do you call a man with half a brain?


What is the difference between a man and a catfish?

One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.

What did God say after creating man? I can do better.

Husband: Want a quickie?

Wife: As opposed to what?

Why do men want to marry virgins? ,/p>

They can't stand criticism.

What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?

A man's undivided attention.

How is a man like a snowstorm?

Because you don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay

What do you call an intelligent man in America?

A tourist.

Why do jocks play on artificial turf?

To keep them from grazing.

If men got pregnant.... abortion would be available in convienience stores and drive-through windows.

Why do men name their penises?

Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?

Because they already have boyfriends.

Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?

He had it bronzed.

Why do men like masturbation? Its sex with someone they love.

How do some men define Roe vs. Wade?

Two ways to cross a river.

What is gross stupidity?

144 men in one room.

Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.

Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?

What's the difference between a porcupine and a Corvette?

The porcupine has pricks on the outside.

How many men does it take to pop popcorn?

Three. One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.

What is a man's view of safe sex?

A padded headboard.

How do men sort their laundry?

"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".

Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.

Why did God create man?

Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Why were men given larger brains than dogs?

A.So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

B.So they wouldn't stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block.

Why does the stupid man put ice in his condom?

To keep the swelling down.

What is the thinnest book in the world?

"What men know about women."

How many men does it take to screw a light bulb?

A.One - men will screw anything.

B.Five - one to actually do the screwing, four to listen to him brag about it

How does a man take a bubble bath?

He eats beans for dinner.

What is a man's idea of foreplay?

An half hour of begging.

How can you tell if a man is aroused?

He's breathing.

What's the difference between men and government bonds?

Bonds mature.

How do you save a man from drowning?

Take your foot off his head.

What do men and beer have in common?

They're both empty from the neck up.

How can you tell if a man is happy?

Who cares?

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

Who knows? - did it ever happen??

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